So on Thursday I was a month away from my due date, and on Friday I was officially 36 weeks pregnant. How do I feel at this stage? Anxious. All my fears about child birth and parenting are rearing their ugly faces and I have a little panic every now and then. Other than that, I am cool, calm &
impatiently waiting the arrival of my daughter bundle.
Everybody keeps asking me if I’m “scared” now that it’s all so close – my response has always been “No. What is the point of being scared of something that is unavoidably going to happen?“. And the truth is I’m not scared. I know it is fast approaching and I know there is pain involved and it could take a long time and many things could go wrong. I accept that and I am not scared of it. I’m just anxious of how I will handle it when the time actually comes & of course, my age old fear of death by child birth. Yes – it is my second biggest fear. Since I found out women died during childbirth, regardless of how long ago and how much times have advanced, I am still scarily convinced I am destined for the same end. My mother has reassured me a bit on this though, so I’m hoping I will survive and be alive to raise my baby at the end of it all … (PS did you ever realise how unprepared you are for what’s to come when you was pregnant? You get the general understanding but you have no idea of this little bundles personality or what life with them is going to be like… If you’re a control freak like me, having no control over this change is pretty panic inducing!!)
Last week I attended an NCT Antenatal class which made me feel fairly confident I’ve got everything covered. No offence to the middle class but… at 30 weeks+ pregnant, if you have no idea what the term “breech” means; seem completely confused as to when you can have an epidural and why; and have no idea what I’m talking about when I mention Gas & Air, it begs to question “What exactly have you been doing for the last 30 weeks??”. Now, I’m not trying to be rude or arrogant, maybe it’s just how I am but I was naturally curious about everything during this pregnancy so found out a lot via books, the internet, people I knew who had children already… I just thought that would be natural to get an idea of what’s to come. It actually got to a point where a father-to-be turned and asked me, “Why are you here? You’re like… an expert. You clearly have nothing better to do with your Saturday.” As you can imagine, I’m not there this week regardless of the fact I paid for the classes – I felt more like the teacher whilst there and didn’t really learn much so I’m blogging instead.
Whilst at this class though, water births were also mentioned and to my surprise, I seemed to be the only one “brave” enough to consider a labour without an epidural or scheduled C-Section. This really did confuse me as I thought a lot more people would see the benefits of trying to labour in as natural way as possible before going to medicinal procedures. I’m of the belief your body was made to do this; it will hurt but the less fear you have – the less stress you have and the less pain you will feel = The calmer you stay then the better. Giving birth is a primitive procedure. You see animals building a comfortable and private nest to give birth in, clearing the space around them and steering clear of other animals etc in preparation? The same goes for humans - draw your attention inward to focus on finding a peaceful and clear state of mind. It’s a manageable pain if you understand why you’re experiencing it and realize just what an intense and important thing your body is doing. The more you understand about your labor, the more competent you’ll feel as you’re laboring – so I just couldn’t comprehend why the people in my class knew so little!!
In other news, and I know I’ve been going on a bit so forgive me but this is my space where I clear my mind, I had my 36 week appointment yesterday with the midwife. It was possibly the most stressful appointment I’ve had so far! I was seen by a student midwife, with my midwife in the room still and it was a bit longer than usual. I could handle the ankle check for signs of pre-eclampsia, the confusion over finding something in my notes & even the basic maths complication where I was told I was 36+3 weeks pregnant even though I’m really not. What I could not handle, was after being told Shy has been head down for the last 10 or so weeks, being told that my baby was now breech. At 36 weeks, you do not want to be told your baby has randomly decided to change direction which is unlikely to change and a C-Section may then become necessary. Really – I will break down into tears in your office. As it goes, my midwife came and found Shy’s head exactly where it had always been – head down just not engaged- in a matter of seconds but for a split second, I was ready to cry!
So, this has been my post at Week 36+1 – It’s been long but I’ve enjoyed writing it tbh so I’m sorry if I took up too much of your time whilst you read it, but I just spent a lot of time writing it so I think we’re pretty equal, no?
I’ve agreed with the lovely MumOfThreeBoys to attempt to blog during labour in three stages, as there is three stages of labour. Not entirely sure how successful this will be, but it will definitely be an interesting and different way of doing my birth story!! “Birth Story Stage 1″ and such… Keep a look out for that in the coming month or so!!